I thought I’m so different already and that I can maintain composure even around celebrities. I found out this morning that it was just how I wanted it to be, nothing more than a theory.
I have tried several times to interact with different local celebrities and participate on sensible poll questions on Twitter on the hopes of getting a reply from someone who is someone to everyone. It is true what they say after all that things happen when you least expect it. It was like being really star struck in the flesh. I could not explain my exhilaration when I read the tweet in response to mine. I was like a little child wearing her new dress around trying to get everyone’s attention and being successful at it. Wow! I could not believe my eyes for a moment and I tried to take in what just happened. There it was – my username.
And for the record – smoking got me to this.
Every time we face a crossroad in our life where we need to make a choice, each of those choice in fact have a final destination at the end of it. BUT before we actually get to that end, we will be faced again with crossroads that could change our "destiny". Therefore, our decisions should bring us to the things that we really want for ourselves because relying on destiny won't take us places.
It feels a lot longer that it was that I’ve been where I am. It is just so difficult to embrace the happiness surrounding me with all these frustrations up above my head. I cannot find it in myself to slow my pace and be patient thinking that I’m gradually losing grip of chance. I cannot stop wondering what and how. What now? How will I make it? I wish I could have a stronger self to fight off the Other.
I will not consider this as surrender neither as a sign of defeat. The battle goes on and I’m still in the midst of it carrying my armor and rifle, always ready to struck and go forth. I will not be stopped by anything.
The best thing to do now is allow myself to be engulfed not by anxiety but of the present, the gift, of happiness.
"I'm falling apart I'm falling apart
Don't say this won't last forever;
It's breaking my heart it's breaking my heart
Don't tell me that we will never be together;
We could be over and over
We could be forever.."